10 Pictures for 10 Years In Heaven

With tomorrow 4.30.18 marking the 10 year anniversary of my sister's passing, I did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to post. I have been, and continue to be, committed to always dedicating this day to some sort of mental health awareness by sharing glimpses of my experiences or insight via pictures, videos, poems, etc. However, this year, I wanted to do something that I have never done before - and what that could be, was honestly difficult to narrow in on. But as I sorted through old photo albums, texted funny pictures to family and friends and laughed a lot, I soon realized that the answer I was looking for was right in front of me - the stories that these pictures in my hand were telling me. From there, I decided to choose 10 photographs of Steph and I that made me reminisce on our time together and write a blog post to share. So, here we go...

1. From Day 1, sleep-overs in each other's room were kind of a big deal...

2. Beginning with our opposite hair color, we always counted on each other to balance each other out. Steph let me have the athletic spotlight and I let her have the camera spotlight as the more photogenic sibling...

3. It was always Steph's goal to make me laugh while I was eating to get me in trouble. Steph 1, Jen 0...

4. Together, our creativity was at an all-time high. We wrote songs, stories and plays...

5. We even designed the Step Brother's DVD cover before we knew what DVD's were...

6. Steph and I always wanted a pet other than a fish. From this 1st day of school outfit photo, I can only guess that we were both trying to send our parents a strong message. Steph was showing how responsible she was for caring for another thing by wearing her digital pet Tamagotchi around her neck; and I opted for the 101 Dalmations necklace around mine because, well, I just really wanted a dog...

I think we got our guinea pig shortly after.

7. The Easter basket scavenger hunt was always a great way to start Easter morning. However, the picture before digging into our Easter baskets was not. Clearly we protested this year with a closed-mouth "smile"...

8. As you can probably tell from some of the previous pictures, Steph and I were always subject to matching sibling outfits (especially around the holidays). Most of the time, we could not wait to change into our own comfortable clothing. But every so often, we did not mind dressing alike, especially when we were on our beloved backyard swing set...

9. When we grew a little older, Steph had a tremendous sense of fashion that I wish I paid a little more attention to. Steph wore jewelry, flowers on her shirt and her hair down; I wore hair-ties as bracelets, t-shirts with soccer balls and my hair in a pony-tail...

10. Lastly, picture #10. Still holding up my end of the deal with letting her steal the camera spotlight (refer to picture #2)...

The truth is, pictures tell a story, but not the whole story. Behind these photographs, Steph was fighting battles daily that I did not understand until it was too late. I would give anything to go back into time with the knowledge that I have now - to our sleep overs, to our meal times, to our creation of stories and the Step Brother's pose, to our time opening Easter baskets or swinging on the backyard swing set and to our last time in Niagara Falls together - just to see if I could change the outcome or make a difference.

And that is why I am dedicated to raising mental health awareness - especially on April 30th.

If you are fighting battles, please reach out to someone. If you know someone who is fighting battles, please reach out to them. There is strength in seeking help; there is comfort in helping those in need. You are not alone. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

#EndTheStigma